Genevieve  0:07  

Welcome to I Could Never, a podcast about non monogamy and the many ways it can look. I'm Genevieve from Chill Polyamory on Instagram, Tiktok and YouTube, and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host and partner, Ishik.

Ishik  0:18  

That's right. I'm Genevieve from Tiktok, Instagram and YouTube. 

Genevieve  0:22  

Yeah, you get a two for one. 

Ishik 0:23

Oh, I read that wrong. I’m so sorry.

Genevieve 0:24

You’ve already forgotten your identity. 

Ishik  0:26  

I'm Ishik. What's up, guys? But it is not just Genevieve, and it's not just me also Genevieve. We are also joined by our third doppelganger, Genevieve, aka Reece Foster. I'm not redoing that. AKA, Sauforged on Instagram, a Cornish artisan blacksmith based in Ireland. And I will add a very special guest for the podcast. Welcome, Reece.

Reece  0:53  

Hello, hello.

Genevieve  0:56  

Hi. No, you gotta introduce Vibe or Vent.

Ishik 0:59  

Oh, no, but I'm Genevieve, so I don’t do that. It's Vibe or Vent time.

Genevieve 1:02

That’s the Vibe or Vent intro?

Ishik 1:04

That’s the Vibe or Vent intro.

Genevieve  1:06  

For anybody who's new here. We like to start off every episode with a little icebreaker called Vibe or Vent, where we each take a little beat go around and talk about something that we're either happy about this week, that we're vibing about, or something that we're pissed about, that we need to get off our chest. So Ishik, are you vibing or are you venting today?

Ishik  1:24  

Um, I am venting today. I'm venting today despite the fact that just a mini vibe, I'm vibing on these chocolate, chocolate smoothie thingies. Yeah, delicious protein smoothie. It's very tasty, very hot day. It's a very hot day, but there's a mini vibe I am venting. All around the world, there are so many events and so many regimes and so many administrations in government actively engaging in tactics and policies that are an attack on empathy. Truly, not only are ambivalent to the suffering of people, but seem to be designed to cause suffering in people out of cruelty and personal gain for a small class of people, usually the wealthy, right? That's why I don't even feel a need to say the specific thing, because when this episode goes goes live, in whoever knows how many months, there will probably be a new thing that week or that day that will have happened. While the things that are happening are cruel. You can still protect your people, people in community. You can invite new people into community. You can take care of them. In the face of loss of medical care, in the face of loss of housing, right? Whatever, again, whatever the fresh horror is that day, don't let that kill your empathy. Don't let them kill your empathy. Little bit of a heavy note to start, but it is what it is what we do here. Vibe or Vent. Reece, I'm gonna pass it off to you. Are you vibing or venting? Feel free to not be so bummer if you don't want to be or be as bummery as I am, or worse.

Reece  3:09  

I mean, I definitely vibe with everything you're saying. It's it's all a bit fucked in the world at the moment, but in all honesty, for me, I have to vibe. I have no other choice. I find I can't deal with atrocities beyond human comprehension. For too long, I'm very sensitive to it. So today I am vibing. I made some lovely new tools and other items in the forge today that were extremely successful, and lots of other lovely things are happening within the week, yeah.

Ishik  3:50  

I feel like you're giving a sneak preview to some other stuff.

Reece  3:54  

A little sneak preview. So yeah, I'm vibing. I'm vibing. 

Genevieve  4:00  

Well, you have instructed me Ishik on what I was supposed to vibe about a few hours ago. It was an order even.

Ishik 4:03

It was, it was an order.

Genevieve 4:04

So is this still what I should be vibing about today? Yes. All right, I've been told I need to vibe that I my Instagram just hit 200,000 followers. Yeah, it happened. And I was like, Oh, cool. And he's like, Nope, no, you're celebrating this. You're vibing about this. Because I am trying to practice wallowing in good things too. I guess wallowing

Ishik 4:36  

You still went with wallow.

Genevieve  4:38  

I don't know, reveling in. How about that? That's it. There we go. It's, it's a practice I'm learning in adulthood. You know, because everything that was good, I would always be like, okay, cool, check. Let's move on. But everything that's bad gets a focus, and I'm trying to break that practice. So that's very good. So we were across the board. We're running the gamut today. 

Ishik  4:59  

I mean, that's the point of Vibe or Vent, right? To show the breadth of the human existence in relationship to the world around us. And that is what the point of this podcast is, is to learn about the many different types of relationships we can see in non monogamy, fucking flawless transition. Oh, my God, Emmy please, or whatever the podcast equivalent of an Emmy is. We should probably find that out, because I deserve one now. So Reece, can you please tell the listeners and the viewers a little bit about your relationships, your relationship to non monogamy? Yeah, tell us a little bit about that.

Reece  5:32  

Yeah, absolutely. So where to start a story than the beginning. I realized I was poly, and that it was something that interested me when I was quite young, when I was 16. When I was younger, I was in relationship, but I I'd always had this feeling of deepening, of I have so much love that I want to give, and one person isn't enough. And I had my friends, and that was a specific kind of love, but my relationships were a deep connection, and I was thirsting for this deep connection and love. Unfortunately, as many people in the sphere know, that isn't generally received great. I told my girlfriend, maybe, maybe I want to love more than one person. Maybe I want to love more than you. I think I can. She turned around to me and said, Well, yeah, you can do that - without me. So that was my first foray into shame filled, mono mind, and that continued for a long time. So and then I turned about 18 or 19, and I ended up meeting a married couple. She was on a dating app, and I was like, All right, I'll like this person. They're doing the thing I want this to be my life. I might as well, you know, move into it. We went on a couple of dates. It was lovely. She was lovely. Although it did start off with, ah, you're a lot shorter than I imagined. Always the one, love that bit, despite that, I have a giant character.

Ishik  7:24  

Well, I mean, to be fair, just to add to that, I didn't even register that you were short. Are you short? I didn't think you were short.

Reece  7:31  

I'm like 5’9” 5’10”, I don’t even fucking know. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit about height. Anyway. Yeah, doesn't matter anything to me. Like fucking Jesus Christ. Anyway.

Ishik 7:38

That's very strange. But continue. 

Reece 7:40

So yeah, I started getting to know her. We went on a couple of dates. And I was like, I would love to meet your husband. It would be so lovely. I think it would be great. And they were, like, a bit nervous. They were a bit nervous and a bit tetchy about it, but I was like, Look, I don't want to do this if I don't know people. So I ended up meeting the husband. Became best friends with him. It was great. He taught me a load of things. Taught me foraging. Became a foraging friend. So we'd forage on the coastline. And then I had the side relationship of the wife, which was lovely, and it was connective, but it was also a bit weird. They weren't as much into polyamory as they were into swinging with a little taste of polyamory. They liked the idea, but they didn't do the execution very well. When I started to feel more deeply about somebody else, she ended up blowing up big time.

Genevieve  8:50  

So you didn't get to. She got to have a husband and a boyfriend. Okay.

Reece  8:56  

Yeah, everything blew up. She fell out with me. The husband fell out with me for a little while, but kind of understood and yeah, but it was all very messy, and it didn't need to be. And I learned my lesson, or at least I thought I did, but I got into this new relationship, and I did discuss at the very beginning, I discussed, this is what I want from relationship, this is what I expect to polyamory. This is what I am. This is who I am. It wasn't open at the beginning. And then later on, when I suggested to open up, when all of the consent was there at the beginning of the relationship, it turned around and was like, Oh, I thought you meant an open relationship, not polyamory. I'm not comfortable with that. Wow. And then the relationship ended, as all of my past relationships have done, even though I am a polyamorous man, with people cheating on me. So, so that unfortunately passed again, and then at the age of 24. Yeah, I ended up meeting my current partner on our third serious date. We got close. I really like prepared myself this time. I was like, holy shit. I've got to really make sure to drill this home this time. I just want to tell you I kind of like alternative style relationships. And she was like, “Oh, do you mean polyamory? My partner was for five years. Oh, that's great.” And like, as if heaven had opened, I have now landed with my nesting partner, who is wonderful and safe and gave me the safety I needed, like I feel more safe than I ever have done in relationship. I've worked on my anxieties of all of the past traumas that I had within those relationships. She's super happy opening up to different relationships. Now, in fact, she was mourning that she didn't have it in her life. So now I am opening up to lovely people and yeah.

Ishik  11:11  

Well, real quick before we kind of move forward from there into current events. I did want to just highlight that I really loved. You were talking about that first relationship with the married couple. You talked extensively about your relationship with the man who became a good friend of yours. Talked about what you guys did together, all this other stuff. And then you're like, and I had that side relationship with her, and then also this other person who I guess you have sex with, or whatever.

Reece  11:41  

And for me to talk into that I am, I am Demi. I do not make connections very often. They're not a common thing for me. So demisexual would be like, you don't feel anything until you really feel it, and then you might flow in and out of it. But predominantly it's quite intense when it does happen for me.

Genevieve  12:02  

So are you not in touch with him at all anymore? 

Reece  12:07  

No, that separation from his wife, unfortunately also drove a bit of a wedge between us two. I was very saddened to lose that relationship as well. I, you know, I wanted everybody to feel safe I respected and liked everybody around. But yeah, unfortunately not.

Ishik  12:26  

You know, Genevieve alluded to the imbalance before where, like, you know, she could have another relationship, but you couldn't have another relationship. What was her response to that? Like, how did she kind of characterize her perspective on it?

Reece  12:44  

So it was never discussed. I had assumed, and like, we had talked about polyamory, you know, we she was looking for a more detached, no strings attached situation. I was absolutely fine with that, and I was always communicative with it as well. I don't connect with people often, so when I did connect with this new person, I told her right away, but it's just that it wasn't taken well. They struggled, you know, and they were both ex Mormon, so like there's all of that they had lost people they loved, and they were separated by people. And you know, there's all of that aspect of it, but they were trying to heal, and they were trying to do well, and their intentions were placed in a place where I thought they would progress. The only problem is the anxiety never went away, and it kept persisting, and that's, that's where my core concern was. But like I never thought that they wanted then to control me in my seeking of relationships. But that was not the case. I forgive them. They're going through their own work, and they had gone through their own work, and unfortunately it didn't work for them. Sometimes you need to try and sometimes it doesn't work.

Ishik  14:08  

I mean, I would just want to say that I really appreciate both the empathy and the understanding of the struggle they were going through with their anxiety, while also taking care of yourself and having boundaries around what you needed and what you how you expected to be treated and what how you wanted your life to look right, to be able to see and understand they're not trying to harm, yeah, but that they are harming.

Genevieve  14:34  

Well, we have empathy, but we don't tolerate harm. Exactly, yeah, I don't know I feel for you, because I think that's a really unfortunately common issue, somebody trying so hard to say upfront, all of the things be transparent. And people even having good intentions, they want to work on something and just yeah, sometimes we fall short, or they fall short and it's just not going to work, yeah.

Reece  14:56  

Yeah. But, like, I would always say as well. You know, self work is fucking hard. It's not an easy thing. And the reason I feel so comfortable with polyamory is because I've had years of therapy. Like I've had my own traumatic background, I've, I've, I've gone through a hell of a lot of shit, and I've came out kicking, but that's only because I did the work on myself. And last year, I went through an extreme bout of anxiety, like I panic attacks, anxiety all the time because I was afraid of losing my relationship. But that was more so to do with my safety than it was anything else, and that's okay too. It's okay to exist like that, as long as you can be held and go through it. But one of the exercises that helped me was called “and what then”. You know, you are talking to somebody, say, somebody is going to echo back “and what then”. So I'm afraid that you're going to leave me, and they'll say, “and what then”, and like, Okay, well, if you leave me, then I'll be, I'll be alone, or maybe you won't, you won't care anymore. “And what then”. You go down that rabbit hole and you find then where that fear comes from. It might be, I don't want to be abandoned or like, I don't ,I don't feel safe or stable in my life, financially or this or that, and you find the core problem, because the problem isn't them leaving. Anybody can leave. Anybody can come. People can come and go throughout your life as they please. Life is free flowing, and hopefully people stay if you love them, but sometimes they don't. But usually the core isn't them leaving. It's a fear or an instability in the life you lead that then can be addressed. You're not then addressing the anxiety and fear about someone else. You're then bringing it back to yourself. What is my fear? What is me? What is what's going on here that is creating it?

Genevieve  17:02  

Yeah, I have friends do that to me to this day, even though the fears look different, where they'll be like so what if that does come true? What what if? What if that does come true? I remember I used to be afraid that you would leave me years ago, and then once that fear went away.

Ishik 17:14

And then it happened.

Genevieve 17:16

And then it happened. And I never talked to you again. Once that fear started to go away, it transformed into, well, what if he just dies? Like, that's what's outside of our control. But it was still that fear of like, you know, abandonment. And I remember I could say her name, Caro said, what if he does? Will you be okay? Will you have this person, this person, this person? Like, we just played it all the way through, and I think that can also help of just like, Oh yeah, okay, this big, this big fear that I'm trying to control or avoid or just stress over because it's outside of control. It's like, and you can survive, and you won't be alone. You don't have to be alone, even if you are alone, you can find people to not be alone.

Ishik  18:03  

And that's why she started slowly poisoning me.

MUSIC

Ishik  18:15  

You started to allude to your life today, and I'd love you know, we got a little bit of a lead up to kind of what happened and how you got exposed to non monogamy and you spoke a little bit about your nesting partner, but I'd love to hear a little bit more about, yeah, what your life looks like today, that connection with your nesting partner, maybe a little bit about like, Yeah, what a typical week looks like. If there are any other relationships that might be in your life.

Genevieve  18:42  

You want him to bring it up.

Reece  18:45  

Okay, yeah, so, so I'll start with my nesting partner. My week is very comfy and safe and lovely. We'd either chill out on the couch together, or sometimes she'll offer me a shoulder rub every, every, every so often, because I am a stiff fucker, My job fucks me up, so I have that relief there. And there's a connection there that I had never experienced before in terms of safety. She is the safety net that I always needed and never thought I did. It's just a deep level of communication and trust. Our relationship is very equal. A lot of the things we do, we help each other out. There's not really any gender specific things we do, because fuck that. So, wonderful relationship there. But, yeah, Evie.

Genevieve  19:41  

People don't know me like that. People call me Evie. I might have started hitting on you after I invited you on the podcast. Let's say it really wasn't my plan. I super promise. We just found your profile, and I was like, Oh, that'd be a great guest, and then you just kept being great, and so I kept flirting with you. So here we are.

Ishik  20:05  

Let the man tell his version of the story, please. So Reece, would you like to tell us about that.

Genevieve  20:08

Fucking shit eating grin. 

Ishik 20:10

I'm a big old shit eater.

Reece  20:15  

I fancy the shit out of Evie. Is that what you want me to is that what you want me to say, Fuck sake.

Ishik  20:21  

For everyone who doesn't know that we're talking about Genevieve.

Genevieve 20:22

Yeah, I said it. I said it.

Reece  20:24  

Yeah. Just started to get to know Evie, Genevieve. And the more, the more we talked, the more we found our own similarities with either our own stories or mindsets and belief systems and ways of expressing ourselves in the world that we haven't been able to otherwise. And, yeah, yeah, started to fancy her. Didn't see that coming. Didn't see that coming myself and and, yeah, now you're, now you're coming over to Ireland to have a little visit.

Genevieve  21:05  

Yeah, I'm coming in three weeks

Reece  21:10  

Yeah. So that's that's all mad and exciting and lovely. And I am, I am filled with a lot of joy and excitement to be talking and coming from a perspective of experiencing people with very little experience, to then suddenly going to the person with with what you would assume incredibly good experience.

Genevieve  21:38  

Let’s hope. It could all be an illusion.

Reece  21:41  

But, yeah, it's very comforting, and I feel very safe and very seen by you and and I like you.

Genevieve  21:50  

I like you too. I like you too. Yeah, no, it's just uncommon for me to like people easily. I like people, but I don't often like.

Ishik 21:58

You don't often like like them.

Genevieve 22:00

Yeah, you're such a little you're such a little gossip, you're such a little mischievous Sprite.

Ishik 22:07

I’m a little nymph, a little little imp over here. 

Genevieve 22:10

What's it like for you sitting here? 

Ishik  22:16  

Okay, I'm the only one who's not uncomfortable here. I'm perfectly fine. So I'll gladly talk about this. It's been awesome because, yeah, I was when I was like, hey, here look at this guy. He seems cool.

Genevieve  22:27  

Yeah, I guess we buried the lead you found my new relationship.

Ishik  22:31  

And was like, oh, we should invite him. And so, yeah. So to give some timeline for people and a little bit of behind the scenes, we do pre interviews with guests just to get on the same page about topics they want to talk about. And, you know, just get a face to the name and initial introduction for people who might not already know. And so we did that, you know, maybe a week or so later. And then, yeah, that was like, maybe two, three weeks ago. And in that time they've been chatting. It's been, it's been interesting. I'll say, from my perspective, it was a little confusing at first, because Genevieve was like, Oh, I'm like, we're kind of flirting a little bit. I'm like, Yeah, that's cool. I get it. I was kind of flirting with him.

Reece 23:07

I thought you might have been.

Genevieve  23:14  

Yeah. I mean, you were like, congrats, Reece's hot.

Ishik  23:17  

Yeah, no, definitely. And then, like, a couple days later, she came back again, and it was like, Yeah, you know. So, you know, things are like, progressing. And I was like, Oh.

Genevieve 23:25

I didn't say it like that.

Ishik 23:27

You did. You definitely said those words.

Genevieve 23:28

I said that? Oh okay, I forgot that.

Ishik 23:29

I started to get like, fucking stressed. And I was like, okay, yeah. What does that mean? Yeah. And then I just like, let it go. Because I was like, that's fine. But then it was like, eating at me. I was like, eating at me. I was like, What the fuck does that mean? And I came back, like, a day or so later, like, hey, this has been on my mind. What the fuck does that mean? Like, what is going on? And she was like, but I told you I was flirting. I was like, so we just kind of hashed out, like that. You just, you liked him. Yeah, that was the point of what you were saying.

Genevieve  23:58  

It was one of those things where like, I was sort of. So we were talking, you, you had sent me Reece, you had sent me a video test with your new mic. And I don't know, I think I asked how your date went, actually, because you went on that double date, and then we just started chatting. And you were like, Oh, I never thought I'd be, like, lightly flirting with the polyam girl, like life is wild. And I was like, Would you like to be heavily flirting? And I like, took a little leap there, and it was just, like, a lot of fun. And so that's that's when I was like, Oh, something is switched. Let me just give a heads up to you. And that's when I was like, Oh, by the way, I'm like, flirting with him, just especially because we were going to meet on the podcast, and I was like, vibe shift might happen, heads up. But then we kept talking for a few days, and I was like, Oh, I'm not just like, flirty. I think I like you, and I'd like to get to know you better. So that's why I went and I updated you. And I was like, hey, what do you want to know? Like, as I get to know Reece, but I think my like, overzealousness of trying to keep you posted freaked you out. And you're like, and I was like, oh shit, you know I yeah, I was overthinking it. I got, like, clearer on like, yeah and yeah, and so then I've also never gotten to know somebody from long distance in this way before. So it was funny, because, I mean, I'm polyamorous for 13 years. I talk about it all the time. Clearly, there's comfort here. And I've never done this before, like, I've never met you in person and I'm gonna fly to meet you, and that feels very cool. And also it's a first, you know? And so when I'm coming to update you about it, it's also kind of a first of like. I mean, normally by now, I would have had a first date and told you how the date went, like. So it's, I didn't know what the translation of my normal MO was in this. I update you, but at what pace and in what way, and how much do you want to know? And and then you're like, Oh no, I don't need any updates. So I just, like, didn't tell you when I was texting with him. And you're like.

Ishik  26:01  

Yeah, so, if I can pick up on that, actually. So speaking to this. I love how this is your interview.

Genevieve  26:02  

And we're just describing, and we’re talking about.

Reece 26:03

Oh no no. Work away, work away.

Ishik  26:05  

Because at this point it has now. This is, this is a very this is why I introduced this as a very special guest, right? Because this is a unique situation that obviously has never happened on the show before. I cannot imagine will ever happen again, but this has now left the territory of just your story, and now it's a little bit, a little bit of all of us sharing this experience together. Because in a fashion, we have met once before on the pre interview, but this is now me meeting a meta more in a fashion, right? It's changed in a certain way. So I had said the typical thing I probably say about a thing where it's like, yeah, I don't need any further updates. I'm good. Like, you guys are liking each other. That's great. But then I think that was interpreted as don't tell me things, or, like, don't feel a need to share more about the connection. And then there was, like, kind of this reticence to say, Oh, I'm texting with Reece or whatever. And so I would see you on your phone in a very like, you know, engaged way, happy and engaged way. And I would, because I know you. I'm like, Oh, she's texting with Reece. And I'm like, Oh, what are you up to? And you're like.

Genevieve  27:13  

I was just like, Oh, I'm chilling on the porch. I'm texting.

Ishik  27:16  

Yeah, I'm chilling on the porch. Right? It’s like, bitch I know you on the porch. I see you.

Genevieve  27:20  

You're like, I was like, omitting. It's funny how that can happen. Because it wasn't like, I don't even really think it was conscious. I do think there was a tightness. Yeah, there was like, a tightness of, like, I actually don't know how much you want to know, you know. And that, luckily lasted for all of like 24 hours.

Ishik  27:37  

Yeah it lasted like a day. And I was like. Hey, I know you're texting with Reece right now, like you can say I'm texting with Reece, and the fact that you're not saying it is making me uncomfortable, because now I feel like there's almost like a hiding and a lying, a shame of omission which doesn't need to be here. And I don't think either of us actually feels but makes me really uncomfortable. So just say, I'm texting with Reece, and you're like, okay. And then since then, it's just been like, oh yeah.

Genevieve  28:05  

The minute you said that, I totally empathized too. Because I get it. It's like, if somebody is like doing something in front of you, and you don't care, but if they are like doing it and like hiding it from you, you know, then you're like, Well, what are you doing? Then, you know, so like, and I wasn't hiding it on purpose. But I think it can be really easy to fall into that of just like discomfort or not super knowing where the lines are, but yeah, then you just snapped out of it. Yeah.

Ishik  28:27  

This is, we're talking again, a number of hours. These were all like 24 to 48 hour things. But also, I think, kind of going off of that long distance thing. Typically, like, I would see her going out on a date, right? It's like, oh, I'm going on my date with so and so, or I'm gonna go meet up with x person who I might, you know, it's like, we're friends, but maybe it'll be more, right? And so it's like, I'm seeing kind of progression happen. That for me was some of the struggle with regards to the long distance element of, like, not seeing it unfold. So that has been really interesting. And I just want to say, like, I've been so fucking excited to talk about this on the podcast, because the whole point of the show is to give examples to people about how these conversations can go, how these conflicts can go. What does it look like, right? Like, what is what does my life look like now? And this is just like it happening literally in real time. And I was so fucking excited to share that with guests. It's awesome. It's super awesome. So you're cute, yeah. So thank you for making that opportunity, for being cool enough and hitting on this hottie and making it happen. So Reece we've talked a lot for the past like 10 to 15, minutes about this. What did what's going on? How's it been for you?

Reece  29:47  

It was unexpected. I, as I say, connection is very rare for me. So when I did start to see similarities and reasons to connect with. With Evie. It was, it was like, sparks everywhere, like. It's very weird not going on a date, but at the same time, there's many different ways of understanding a human doesn't mean you have to eat in front of them. The only way to get to know, you know. So it's been, it's been an interesting process, though, thus far, and it's exciting for me as well. Part of my willingness to connect is also a level of respect for people's understanding and safety. And Evie has an incredible amount of that, and I have an incredible amount of respect for her already, and it has just developed into me fancying the shit out of her.

Genevieve  30:49  

I'm on camera now. I can't hide.

Reece  30:52  

I'm just gonna pause for a second because I think Sorcha is trying to come in.

Ishik 30:56

Oh, hello.

Genevieve  30:58  

Hi. 

Sorcha 30:59

Hiya.

Ishik 31:01  

This is perfect timing. Wait wait wait, don’t go, don’t go. How would you like to be on the podcast? 

Sorcha  31:06  

Me? 

Genevieve 31:07

Yeah, why not? 

Sorcha 31:09

Yeah, sure. 

Ishik  31:11  

Hi, by the way, I'm Ishik. What's going on? 

Sorcha 31:15

Hi Ishik, hi Genevieve. How are you?

Ishik 31:18

More than welcome to join the conversation, if you'd be so interested.

Sorcha 31:21

Yeah, I would love to.

Ishik 31:23

Reece, how do you feel about that? 

Sorcha  31:24  

How do you feel about that? 

Reece 31:25

Absolutely. Yeah.

Sorcha  31:26  

More the merrier to Reece. I'm gonna get a drink of water and a chair.

MUSIC

Ishik  31:39  

To viewers and listeners, as you're coming back to us now. We were just talking about Reece getting to know Evie and kind of what that's been like for all of us. And then just so fortuitously, such serendipity, his nesting partner, why don't you say. Introduce yourself.

Sorcha  31:57  

Hi. Yeah, I'm Sorcha. I'm Reece's nesting partner and I've just come home, not sure how much of an introduction you were giving.

Ishik  32:06  

Well, so we were each kind of sharing a little bit about what the past couple of weeks have been like for each of us, and how we're all feeling about it, and such perfect timing. I would love to hear about what your experience has been like hearing about it. Have you heard about it? I take it this is not your first time being exposed to the idea.

Genevieve  32:25  

We're not breaking news to you right now. So, yeah, I'd love to hear about it.

Sorcha  32:29  

Okay, yeah, great. So like, I feel so so happy. It's so nice to see Reece being so glowy and, you know, smiley having conversations with Genevieve. I'll see him go from being a little nervous about something or kind of and then just the visible relaxing after having conversations is just so, so nice. The whole process has been very like, total whirlwind, like, I mean, I suppose you probably went over how, from the very start, we said that we wanted to have a poly relationship. You said that you were polyamorous in yourself. I was kind of not quite there myself at the start. I was like, Well, I had been in a poly relationship previously for a long time, and was very happy in that kind of relationship. But I wouldn't have had it as like an identity marker. I would have had, like, you know, I was in a poly relationship and, you know, but I could be in a monogamous relationship. It kind of depends on the relationship. We'll see what happens. I wouldn't have kind of thought either way for myself. But it's only recently, then, in the last few weeks and in the last month that we've really talked about becoming more public about it and opening ourselves up to seeing people and in, you know, in the space of a week of starting to have those conversations, Reece ended up, ended up posting about it on his social media, just like a little story thing. But then, you know, then meeting Genevieve through that and to be on the podcast. But then, you know, the whole, the whole relationship blossoming as the two got to know each other was so it was, like, amazing. Completely unexpected and, you know, as we're being honest, like, I was kind of like, “Whoa, this is a lot very quickly and quicker than I was expecting it to be”. You know, like, because we were talking about, you know, like, okay, let's take it very slow. We'll kind of like, you know, see who's out there and talk, you know, talk about just meeting people, you know, almost as friends at first, and then it was like. This person is, is very, you know, I think a very meaningful person, and I'm having all these conversations. And I was like, okay, okay. I was like, I think I'm getting a bit of emotional whiplash. It's not that I'm feeling like, this is like a bad thing. I'm just like, I'm trying to do a load of processing and in a very short space of time, and then, like, a huge amount of relief to be back in a poly relationship in this kind of opening up way at all. There was one day where I was crying and just like. Like, really sobbing, and Reece was like, you know, like, oh, like, are you? Are you okay, you know, like, what's, what's, what's going on for you? And I think you might have thought like that I was having, you know, maybe issues or jealousy problems, but I was like, I'm just so happy. And I this is the kind of relationship that I really want. And I didn't know how much I wanted it until I was in it. And, you know, and, yeah, so, a lot of processing, a lot of like emotions.

Ishik  35:24  

This is now turned into a couples session. So we're gonna do this now. Sorcha, you've alluded a little bit, if you're willing to share to this past relationship that you you were in that was also polyamorous, would you be willing to tell us a little bit more about that was that your first exposure to non monogamy. How did that go? Stuff like that?

Sorcha  35:45  

Yeah, it was both my first exposure to non monogamy, and I, like, my first proper, serious relationship. That started when I was in my late teens. I don't know would she’ve used the word polyamorous at the time, but, like, not long after she, you know, this was her, you know, and this was kind of relationship she wanted. And I think maybe at the start, kind of went for that really strongly. And my reaction was just fear, panic, jealousy, abandonment, rejection, all those things. But I, I really liked the sound of it. Like, I really liked I was kind of like, in principle, in theory, I'm totally with you 100% like, that sounds great, you know? Like, and it was lovely to have this feeling of, like, even if we're together, you know, we have this openness, because we're still young, to there being other experiences. But yeah, emotionally, I was not there so, but it was a real learning curve in jealousy and insecurity and, like, I remember, you know, her going on her kind of first date, and that I totally okayed, you know, go ahead. Really happy for you to go on this date. And then I was in bits later, I was, like, really, really upset. She, she, I remember her being really good with it, like she didn't. She was like, I'm not putting pressure on you. I was kind of putting pressure on myself. I was like, I want to do this. I want to get this right. Then I, it just and I don't even know kind of when the moment was, or if it probably wasn't a moment at all, but like, the insecurity just shrank and shrank and shrank the longer that I realized that even though my partner was seeing other people, what we had was this kind of unwavering thing, you know, it like all relationships have their own problems, but that there wasn't like, there was no sense of me actually being left for someone else, you know, like, but then and then the kind of the compersion started to come where I would just be really happy for my partner to be in a particular situation or seeing a particular person. And I think what really helped as well, like, she didn't experience jealousy. So she put it to me, like there was just no she was only happy for me to see other people, like from the very start. And I think that that was really cool to see, because it gave me a kind of model, not that zero jealousy is the goal, which it's not, you know, it's about managing feelings that come up in a self caring way. But the thing that felt like such a block for me not be an issue for somebody else, and to kind of see, like it could just be that someone's like, how did it go? You know that? And it was, it was really cool to have that as a model this situation then where, like, jealousy just becomes, like, if you are experiencing jealousy, it just becomes a teacher, like, a big arrow towards the particular thing that you feel like you might be lacking in your relationship or in your own life. You know, if I'm feeling upset about this particular thing, it's because I have an unmet need, and the best way to address that in the relationship is not to say, don't see this other person, but it's to say, Hey, I'm actually lacking in this particular thing that we're doing or not doing, and just to direct that into changing the relationship, or changing something in yourself, even outside of the relationship, rather than changing how they are with other people. But yeah, it is, and I actually, and I've done a bit of a turnaround on myself, I actually think that I might call myself a polyamorous person now as an identity thing, just because of how comfortable it is now, and that feeling of relief was just really profound. I was like, oh, like, I think that that is just the kind of structure that makes me happy. Happiest. I love when my partner has other partners like that makes me feel safe and comfortable, and it's just extra joy.

Genevieve  39:34  

I'm so glad. I mean, well, Reece has mentioned that, that you're happy. You know, I asked him not to tell me all of your business. I'd rather meet you and know it straight from you, but, but it is nice to know, and it was actually really reassuring to me, because, you know I. A couple of things have gone through my mind, of like, one, I don't want to hurt anybody, right? Like, I don't want to be perceived as a threat, and I don't, and I told him I was like, if you hurt her, I'm going to be really pissed at you. So you better than not. Because, like, one, I just don't want that to exist it’s so unnecessary. But two, like, if I'm also starting to like somebody, then, like, if they fumble that, I'm not saying you will Reece. But like, if they fumble that and then hurt their other partner. A lot of times, that can then be like, implosion. Let me take care of this person and then I get dropped. And that was a fear that I said I was like, I just don't want to invest a whole lot of hope and happiness in this if there's a chance I could be like, dropped, because I just met y'all, I don't know, you know. And so there was a lot of reassurance there from him that that wouldn't be a response to fear, you know, and that was reassuring, as well as, like, just him sharing a bit about your own desire for this, that you're not like being dragged into, that you're actually, like, happy about it, made me feel really relieved. So there's been some like through him learning about the situation, that has made me hesitantly happy to keep moving forward. So I appreciate that about your relationship.

Ishik  41:05  

So I also want to ask. So you were saying that even though there was happiness and like, an openness and desire even as it started to gestate more for, you know, things to open up and happiness for Reece to meet somebody, that there was this whiplash, right? And that there was a lot of processing. Was there anything that you found particularly helpful, especially maybe from how Reece, you know, navigated that situation, that he did or said, or how he communicated or took care of you through that process that made it easier? Yeah, so for other people who are maybe going through that now, how they could maybe learn to help support or be supported in that process.

Sorcha  41:49  

Yeah, definitely, like, yeah. Two big things that Reece does, that are great are coming up, and so I'll talk about both of them. One is just that Reece, like, is incredibly transparent and honest, and, you know, so cards on the table. Like, I think, something like, if you're feeling any kind of insecurity, something that can really exacerbate it, and to no fault of their own sometimes. But if someone is, is not so transparent, or finds it, you know, has maybe some things that they're holding back or holding back or holding from their partner, or doesn't want to say because they don't want to hurt their partner, this kind of thing. Reece doesn't have any of that. It all, it all comes out and flows out and, and, but, you know, it's, it's great, because for me, I suppose there's no sense of, you know, like, oh, maybe he feels more deeply than he's letting on, you know, like, I wonder how this kind of thing like or anything like that. I'm like, I know, I know exactly how he feels as he's communicating it to me. And that feels really it's very easy to recover from insecurity when that's part of the relationship. And then the second thing is, like, if I'm having an emotional response, like a strong, sad or insecure emotional response, like I can talk to Reece in a way that I can be like, I'm having these feelings, like I'm feeling insecure in this way, or this is actually causing a bit of envy and and I'm fairly good at like, having it and holding it and not immediately being like, and there's a problem, you know, where you are, you know, this is, this is kind of wrong. This is happening, or anything like that. I'm kind of like, okay. like, that's interesting. I'm feeling insecure. But Reece is very good at not hearing that and reacting, oh, like, I've done something wrong, or I have to stop doing something to make her feel safe or feel secure. He's just like, you know, okay, like. Thank you for sharing, you know. How can I support you? And it's great, because it means that I can cry, you know, and I can feel very comfortable crying, and just like being very, yeah, very like flowing in the emotion without feeling like I need to hold this back because he's going to feel bad, like I don't have that at all. And that's incredibly helpful.

Ishik  44:01  

Well, to kind of flip it, Reece, has there been things that the way that she's communicated or asked for support, or anything through this process that has helped you to do those very things that she is saying have been helpful for her.

Reece  44:13  

Absolutely, like the way she is, is honest to a fault as well. All of the things she ever says are factual and from herself, and that makes it so easy to then communicate feelings and navigate those feelings in a safe space, either whether we share it together, or whether you're having an emotion. She has the vulnerability and the openness for me to be able to do that. She welcomes it entirely openly and truthfully, which makes any process easy.

Genevieve  44:46  

So when planning the trip to come to Ireland in a few weeks, you know, Reece was like, would you want to meet her? And I was like, the answer is yes, and I'm already it's whiplash for me a bit too, I think for all of us, a little bit, but.

Ishik 44:55

I'm fine. 

Genevieve 44:56

Well. That's great, that’s great for you. But, yeah, it's like, it's, I have comets in other countries, well, you know? And then you're the only Berlin, you're the only local partner for like, a while. So it's whiplash for me too. And so I was like, Okay, well, I'm gonna come to a country I've never been to, meet a man I've never met. Yeah, I want to meet his partner too. And I know myself. I know I get anxiety. I know I can get easily overwhelmed. I was trying to think. I was like, I get anxiety at like, food things, I can get nauseous, so maybe it's not a meal. Like, I was thinking, like, this. And then you just walk in and I'm like, This is great. This is great. This is easy.

Ishik  45:36  

Is this your first time meeting? 

Genevieve 45:35

Yeah. Yeah.

Ishik 45:36

Oh, my God. Oh my god. No. I thought that you guys at least, like, it's seen video chat or something, no.

Genevieve  45:46  

So this is awesome. It's very nice. It's very like, oh my god, yeah. Well, so we mentioned that I had like, a 24 hour stretching and growing pains with Ishik of figuring out how to say stuff. Was there any growing pains so far, in the first couple of weeks for you Reece that you're like, Oh, I gotta, I gotta switch up what I'm doing. Or is it just me?

Ishik  46:08  

Actually you're the one who's bad at polyamory.

Reece  46:13  

No, actually.

Genevieve  46:18  

I'll just, I'll see myself out 

Ishik 46:20

To the corner with you. To the shame corner.

Reece  46:24  

I was, I've just been elated. I've just been around people who love me and support me, and I feel loved, and I'm starting to love someone else and go into that feeling and and then Ishik, you're just sound as fuck. Ishik is great. That makes me feel safe. So for me, there hasn't really been many hang ups, I don't think. Would you say there was anything else that kind of came up for me?

Sorcha  46:53  

Not that many, maybe a couple of days of being, and that's kind of like, combined with other life things really like, just kind of a bit overwhelmed, like, a bit.

Reece  47:03  

Because I'm like, Ahhhh, why do people love me? So like, so like that, there's that. And then I have this intense, like, feeling of doubt, and we had a conversation about it then, Evie. Of like, I then I'm like, Ahhhh, this person isn't telling the truth. They're lying to me, and I'm scared. We had our own conversation then about how you had a trigger with that.

Genevieve  47:38  

Oh, yeah yeah. When people think that I'm lying, yeah, when people and it wasn't that you were accusing me of anything, you were just sort of like, I don't believe this. And I was just like, well, it's really important that people understand that what I say is true, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah, yeah. That was interesting.

Reece  47:54  

Because it's such a big network of things when it comes to polyamory and where you're going to touch on nerves and feelings that pop up, but like overall, it's been a very easy process.

Ishik  48:07  

Well, to kind of echo that, I'll say like and kind of some of what Sorcha was saying as well, seeing her be really happy and excited has been really, you know, I've been enjoying that. I've been having a lot of compersion for our listeners and but also, like, now it's like, more than doubling or tripling down. It's like quadrupling down, seeing the two of you and how you're talking and like us all for getting to talk like this, I'm fucking overjoyed. I'm bursting with elation right now. I'm like, fuck yeah, I want a ticket to Ireland too. Let's all go. Let's all have a great time and hang out. It's gonna be awesome. What is there not to be happy about, right? Like, why wouldn't I be so happy seeing lovely, good people be happy and taking care of each other? I would love to hear from you the listener who is confused by this, why wouldn't I be happy? Tell me why I wouldn't be happy right now. Like, we're safe. We're happy. We love each other. You two love each other and are secure. That's very obvious, right? Like, what is your perception, listener, as to why I wouldn't be just over the fucking moon?

Genevieve  49:15  

Are you prepared to be called a cuck a lot?

Reece  49:19  

Oh, yeah, that's the one.

Genevieve  49:20  

You’re asking the general public.

Ishik  49:22  

No, but I want them to tell me. Like, yes. That is exactly what they're gonna say, but I want them to say, So, what do you how do you define cuck in this instance, and why is it bad? And why is it bad? But I'm not being cucked, right? Because, like, I go out and fuck other people too. I have relationships with other people too. I have other dynamics and loves and connections and like, that's not what's happening here. And so, yeah, I just, I'm, I'm just fucking happy, I don't know, yeah.

Genevieve  49:50  

So this is the first time that I'm, like, really, like, this is first time you're being publicly visible on camera.

Ishik 49:54

Oh, the podcast. Yeah.

Genevieve 49:55

The podcast is. This first time that I’m really, like publicly, including another person that I'm seeing, just because you happen to also have a platform, invited you on and all that. And you're both like, like, big dudes with beards and long hair. And I was like, I'm still bisexual, okay? Everybody like, I’m still. I've dated like, so many women behind the scenes. And I'm like, Okay, I don't know, but that's just my own insecurity. With people being biphobic online, I happen to, yeah, like both of y'all at the moment.

Ishik  50:28  

It's funny too. I did actually think about wearing my hair down, because when it's down, it looks really similar to his actually.

Genevieve  50:36  

You're a little doppelgangery.

Ishik 50:38

Just to mess with her a little bit.

Reece  50:40  

You know, you know, I saw your nose ring, and I was like, you know, I really think that would suit me.

Ishik  50:47  

You know, you say that I've been actually thinking the same thing about the the piercing down here.

Reece  50:51  

Aw dude, if you get this, I'll get that.

Ishik 50:52

Yes, ah, I'm just so happy.

Reece 50:54

It's fantastic. And I am so glad that we are able to be friends. 

Ishik  51:01  

He's talking about me, of course. Yeah, he's happy that we can be friends. You’re incidental.

Genevieve  51:06  

You'll both go foraging.

Genevieve  51:15  

Well, thank you both for being here, and thank you Reece, so much for coming on and being in my life already, and this is cool and TBD, you know, to be continued. I would love to invite you also, anybody who wants to find your work online. Where can people find you and stay in touch? 

Reece  51:33  

You can find me on my instagram, predominantly at soul forged, S, A, U, L, forged, where I do all of my blacksmithing and share my opinions on the world.

Genevieve  51:46  

Sorcha. Do you want to promote anything? You don't have to, but.

Sorcha  51:50  

I haven’t really much to promote. I'm very like offline in my existence. I have an Instagram where I think the last photo I posted was actually two and a half years ago. So, yeah, yeah.

Genevieve  52:02  

Okay, cool. Yeah, just like him, he's pretty offline, yeah, except when he's checking my comments.

Ishik  52:08  

Yeah, no, I get to use Instagram through her account, and then not have to have one of my own. It's awesome. But if you are looking for that Instagram, you can find more polyamory content that Genevieve makes on Tiktok and Instagram, at Chill Polyamory. She also makes long form media analysis about non monogamy in film and TV. Also at Chill Polyamory on YouTube, and yeah, she could tell you about the other great stuff.

Genevieve  52:35  

Yeah, you can support those projects and this podcast on patreon.com/chillpolyamory. That's also where I post resources every Sunday. I have a backlog of, I think 275 resources I've been posting since 2018 as well as an option for one on one pen pals, if you'd like to email and chat, and an option for one on one peer support. So that is patreon.com/chillpolyamory.

Ishik  52:57  

I also respect that you didn't round that up to almost 300 it's 275.

Genevieve  53:02  

No, genau. it needs to be precise. Yeah.

Ishik  53:05  

Well, on that very fun and generally joyous note, this has been I Could Never and for everyone listening, remember that just because you haven't done something before doesn't mean that you can't do it.

Bye!!!